mine.

le__tigre @ 2004-10-25T19:24:00

2004-10-26T00:28:58Z

i migrated.

here here here her. here.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-10-04T17:06:00

2004-10-04T22:10:09Z

i got kinda bored with livejournal.

so i have a xanga now.

im taking more pictures.

im taking a bus down to birmingham next week.

fred is taking me to see death cab live.

set design ate my balls..

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-22T18:19:00

2004-09-23T01:20:17Z

quite nice. belle and sebastian today makes me feel like im in a child's dream. and sometimes i think i really am, .. but strictly on friday evenings, saturdays, and sunday afternoons. for the remainder of the week i am merely floating from class to class, or lost in an art project, waiting (patiently) for time to pass, and my music... god i would not be here without my music.

i scare myself more and more often. i am not my usual repressive self. but who am i really? and am i not the only one asking myself this question? today i felt so angry at my sister (what's new). and i swear there was more to it than she would not listen to simon and garfunkel in the car ("they are, like, SO fifty years old!") but still something inside me went terribly wrong and i started to scream postal service lyrics at her... and not just scream but with all my voice. ive never done anything quite like that before, but it did lift a great weight off of me. that and the other day i muttered "fuck you" to her random friend, who was acting incredibly superficial and shallow.. like all the rest. if she was not "scared" enough of me in the first place, i was more than happy to fulfill her suspicions.

in a town so small there's no escaping you

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-21T16:02:00

2004-09-21T21:16:02Z

hmm okay i figure im gonna write in here today, and say whatever the fuck i want. first, the predictable: i miss fred so much!! and it's only tuesday but i figure that in two more days i'll see him again! goddamn work. it is fun and mostly boring but it takes away from my fred time. i do tear tickets though... nah.

uhh ive started a new project in art. it is a series of mike shirtless. this is for figure drawing purposes. taking pictures of him was, interesting, to say the least. i hung around craft again today and watched set changes for the play. i have a better idea of what im doing today than yesterday. yesterday i was completely lost (im not a drama kid), and he kept asking for my opinion, and then began to interrogate me "what are you thinking? i hope you dont mind cussing, but you do hang around fred. why are you so quiet? what's going on? are you always this shy?" me: "well, ... around fred im not" craft: "of course you're not! you're all smoochyface with him" and then i ran away. kinda sorta. the nerve of that man!

hahahah my english class ate hot sauce today. and i sat with the cool newspaper kids at lunch. i like those kind. yummy. and passing notes with will in chemistry, as always.

what else, what else... my sister is her typical bitchface self. but i joke about her enough with my friends that it doesnt bother me as much anymore. my birthday is in a month, so that's kinda exciting. daisy is coming back this week!! so be sure to say hi, or hug her if you're friendly enough.

have a wonderful remainder of your day, reader.

<3 shan

you're mine.

2004-09-20T01:00:10Z

where do you go in your coonskin boots?
oh i just want to be with you
i know you never said that you would stay
forever and it's getting late

i seem to always catch these particular lyrics in the car when i say goodbye. i probably just slaughtered them cos i cant find anywhere. to make a long amazing weekend short, i didnt sleep much. work and fred and i have to admit ive been so unbelievably happy lately goodnight.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-16T17:54:00

2004-09-17T00:08:03Z

this is fred trying to look pathetic. and it's working. damn you fred.</b>

ehhh so as read above i watched stop making sense today, by the talking heads, but much more than just a live concert.from the beginning it was a work of art. a crazy eighties acid head band was speaking, ironically, all the sense in the world. and not merely his message but how he communicated.. and by this i mean he danced really cool. i know, i know. you are the man, david byrne. maybe mother nature will take the earth back over. i mean, did anyone listen to the threats of global warming? im hearing voices outside but i just wonder if the wind is carrying them. i hope i can wake up tomorrow, find that we have no school, and fall asleep with fred. but instead i will wake up, spend three aggravating minutes with my sister in the car, and then explain to mrs hughey why fred and i were on her doorstep at noon today. trust me, we had a plan. there is a plan and i dont mean god's. we make it our own. i.e. my sister who serves no valuable purpose to society, yet seems the most obliviously happy person in this house. ah well. happy hurricane day.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-14T18:42:00

2004-09-15T00:04:39Z

hi livejournal. friends, and stalkers.

im alright. i'd call it "content" ever since my dad defined the difference between being happy and feeling content. for example, im happy when im with fred. (extremely happy, for that matter). im content when im not biting my nails with worry and school goes by smoothly. i hope that was easy.

im pretty worried about two of my friends right now. one's been in the hospital and i dont exactly know why.. i cant even get in touch with her. the other is fighting with his girlfriend and seems depressed. i wish i could do much, much more than worry.

speaking of friends, let me just tell the whole world how much i love art kids. cos i swear, band was never this enjoyable. sure we may have our psychological problems and choke one another every now and then (lol) but what can i say... i heart ahht. mrs hughey is the greatest woman ive ever known. and we are her children. :D (and ive heard all about the band drama and all i can really do is point and laugh... suckers.)

i start my first job evar on friday, probably tearing movie tickets. ive wanted this for a long time altho i'll probably regret saying this later on. especially since my future weekends are devotedly solely to fred time. cos fred time is a precious thing and brings me the greatest of joys. ive got so much to look forward to with him.. and october is ALWAYS a guaranteed good month.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-12T15:55:00

2004-09-12T21:12:33Z

god. it's all really overwhelming. especially once we say goodbye and im home and you're already on your way home. but ive got this great music.. you were so kind to return the favor and ive got the awesome piece of metal you pulled off of the tree (more sentimental than it sounds) and ive got stinky clothes on and ive got messy hair, and ive got you. painful right now but extremely amazing that ive never had this before but it goes by so quickly. i have nothing to do now but resume my role as the obedient high school student and work on art projects and miss you like crazy. (speaking of crazy) im just hoping that these next two weeks will fly by. they will fly by. i cant explain to anyone the person you've made me and our conversations til morning or how much i'd rather sit in the dark with you and our music than watch the television, or anything else for that matter.

these words might do nothing more than slide through one ear to the other. but god i really am so happy.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-07T17:01:00

2004-09-07T22:18:42Z

whew. im still tired from the weekend, cos i didnt sleep much. my arms are sore but that's another story... lol. let's just say this fiasco led to me and fred falling off his bed. that sounds dirty but it wasnt. i had to say goodbye to him yesterday i wont see him for another two or three weeks and school really took a big shat on my head. i mean, it irritated me and felt infinite. art was fine. i dont really talk to anyone. whatever. my painting keeps me company and no i dont talk to it.

hm after school today tho.. i walked into the art room and mrs hughey says "tell me what you think of fred". and this led to a great big conversation of the "good fred" and the "bad fred"... i am laughing near the whole time. and how if he hurts me she'll kill him. well i think that's pretty cool of mrs hughey, but i dont see myself getting hurt any time soon.

im gonna put up a picture post sometime soon.

<3 shan

ive got no reason to complain.

2004-09-05T07:06:14Z

god. i type everything AMAZING that happened today but i read it once, then erase it. why cant i do that with my sad posts?

i got back from fred's house thinking i was really tired but now im wide awake. i think this has been the best weekend ever.

quite possibly. why? because we climbed a rocky wall at big springs park! because we ran into his friend, and then some more, and watched them play in their band. because he told me just to pull on my ear when i wanted to leave! because we watched a movie and played thumb war? because we fell near asleep... because someone wants to spend friday, today, and tomorrow with me. that is enough to make me feel entirely content right now. what a freak web of events lifted my spirits, no matter how temporary.

im losing sleep. ahahhaha. oh man, this cant be a spoon song. cos a jamaican man is rapping and women are singing "i wanna have/ SEX ON THE BEACH! / come on move your body!" joy.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-04T03:42:00

2004-09-04T09:09:14Z

holy shitballs. if you wanna know about one of the best daysornights ive had in sucha long time... of course it involved seeing garden state for the third time (for it is all you could ever ask for in a movie), and not only by myself but with fred mitchell. hmm what else... mormon church (it was not glowing), taco bell, and lots of conversation til 3 in the morning. i am tired and i can now rest, knowing i made a new (and much needed) friend.

hey carol, have fun! mm guster... im so jealous!!

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-09-02T20:13:00

2004-09-03T02:18:27Z

god, i dont know what to think.. a numb mind is always welcome but i cant help but feel nostalgic about being... happy?

hmm.. the good stuff. (i'll give it a try).

i started a painting today. i got weird stares from the sub but you know that when i am crawling around on my knees with my fingers covered in plaster, i am most at home.

ive set in stone that "liking" someone in high school is worthless. as is this silly homecoming. (i just want to wear a dress and shake my butt...) and now i can move on to whatever may fill that preocupation of time. might it be...

mr. craft, the drama teacher, wants me to design the set for his one act play. i am self-doubtful of my "design skills" but willing to give this a try.

i really hope to get a job soon. i have another interview.

hm. and i sometimes look forward to simple things i.e. eating(hah), reading my book. shouldnt that be enough?

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-31T16:58:00

2004-08-31T22:11:21Z

thanks to everyone who comments.. yeah.

ive been in some kind of rut today. or "shell shock" as mrs hughey put it. dess told me last night that alicia land passed away in a car accident... my room mate from rising star. (btw thanks dess, you are so incredibly sweet to me..) well it still hasnt "sunken in" and instead it's just really floating around my mind. it was the first thing to hit my mind this morning and it's been following me all day. i spent five weeks with her this summer. and after that, she was home for only two weeks. no one could have known. god. some things are so unexplainable. i can think of no reason why this happened.

life is fragile..

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-30T18:16:00

2004-08-31T00:24:44Z

i guessi could update. i dont really see much harm in doing so. although there is no burning fire inside of me right now. whatever.

hmm... i saw garden state twice. hopefully more once i go to my interview on wednesday. if all goes well, i'll be working at the movie theater. my real motives for working there are 1) carol works there and 2) duh, free movies! i also have garden state soundtrack and have been listening to nothing else since saturday. but actually, i did listen to other music, but i said to myself "this is good... but not as good as garden state!" and popped it into my cd player. ... well. mogwai is pretty good.

oh, and i officially have no hair left. whatever.

school is fine. the only reason i am saying this is because i checked out today. slept too much and painted. that is, afterall, how life should be.

jeibug: oh man. im gonna marry zach braff. i just know it.
BeanCream: hes 30
jeibug: no way.
jeibug: hes mine.
BeanCream: =(
jeibug: 30? ............. :-(
BeanCream: ya
jeibug: i bet he's married.
BeanCream: probably to natalie fucking portman
jeibug: no fucking way!
jeibug: i'll claw her fucking eyes out before she marries him!!!
BeanCream: :-(
jeibug: :-D

so there you have it: no date for homecoming. or e ver. BAH. </3 </3 </3 (<-- emo1 :D :D :D)

le__tigre @ 2004-08-25T20:07:00

2004-08-26T01:55:27Z

today was __(adjective)__ . i mean i hated today. it's disheartening to me that my senior year isnt off to a great start. i hope you're having better luck.

art... cant complain. i love painting and i dont know what i'd do right now if i didnt have that one single joy. i noticed that drew botts has the cutest smile ever. what can i say? that class, and mrs. hughey, and the kids, make me happiest.

i didnt have time to clean up once art ended so i had to go to english with paint on my face. oh, such a disgrace (psh). it doesnt bother me. i mean, i cant see it so i dont care. but when Obnoxious Boy in Front of Me makes a reference to me and braveheart... the tears just welled up in my eyes and i felt like that little 5th grader that i once was. oh, but micaela escorts me to the bathroom so i can wash it off. and her butt set off the sensor for the automatic hand dryer.

i think its pretty funny. i have the most friends in english class yet i talk to ... no one. oh i am not blaming you ti is my own fault. but i somehow enjoy that which is solely why i persist in my behavior.

i still regret speaking my thoughts on an earlier post. but i do know that in another place in some time it would be entirely acceptable to do so. alas, not here.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-24T20:50:00

2004-08-25T02:29:20Z

hmm k. wasnt thinking too much today. but i did have 3 hours of art.. i have that everyday! thank god. and then i kind of mastered this concept of not talking to anyone in class and staring off or reading my book. ive got this really great idea of wearing a garbage bag and (well, that is another story) and rolling around in a cardboard box of styrofoam peanuts.

ok. i came home and read me some frankenstein. then sat out on the deck (for it is the last place my mom has agreed to let me paint) and worked on my new project. i started painting again today, ive been waiting for this!! oh and i listened to guster. THANKS CAROL!! what a great feeling. i now wonder if i only live sometimes to paint. probably.

i sure do hope i get a job at the movie theater. then i will see garden state 100 more times.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-23T19:44:00

2004-08-24T00:45:27Z

GARDEN STATE.

CAROL IS THE BOMB DIGGITY.

I AM HEINOUS BITCH.

BUT AT LEAST NOW I CAN FIND SOME PEACE.

THAT IS ALL.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-22T01:38:00

2004-08-22T18:41:50Z

if you're wondering how much (incredible) fun i had last night at the ska concert, or how much we sweated, ask me.

if you're wondering which particular two of my female friends i cannot fucking put up with right now, ask me.

cos the truth is, i dont know any of you who are reading this. i cant remember the last time i had a best friend. much less one who actually cared.

oh yeah. about that. it's great you were on an emotional hiatus and all. good for you. but now that you appear to feel .. oh i dont know, sad maybe. you come to me about it? and all i can really say to you is the same you said to me.. hm.. a little more than a month ago. from one friend to another: "what am i supposed to do about it?" and then i can make no effort to talk to you for some three weeks or so. and to make it a little more justified, let's put you in a new city by yourself. fuck you.

an apology to the one i.. yeah... last night. i was with the mental equivancy of a drunk.

something is wrong with me, i know this. cos i think the world is a little too crazy right now. and it's a little sad. ive grown so much different from my friends, and the way our clique is so eager to talk about one another. that is not a friend, i know that much.

the fact a grown adult called me "evil" because of my political beliefs, the fact i cant say a "pledge of allegiance" cos how can i have faith in a government run by humans? we're full of fault and built to make mistakes. im not gonna paint my nails or wear lipstick or worry if my hair looks "nappy". i think many of us have forgotten that we still walk on dirt. humans are not pretty. we're meant to live for more important things than how we physically appear. maybe i need to adjust my values cos i dont see "look pretty" on my adgenda. nevermind the fact the other two female members of my family will not leave me alone about it. maybe im a little cynical in asking myself "how is this going to matter in ten years?" that and your conversations. the english language is being used for the worst reasons. i would rather live to hardly ever speak at all. the individual being has so much capability. god, how we put it to waste.

oh. alabama. let me define for you the difference between my mother, a true northener, and your mother, (this assuming a lot). alabama gives five dollars to the mothers-with-sons-and-daughters-in-iraq to slap a yellow ribbon-shaped piece of plastic on their car. my mother slips them a twenty dollar bill and wont take the fucking plastic. did that make any sense? i hope this will all pass soon. yesterday i talked with my dad about going to academy of art in san francisco. it's a definite maybe, but pretty far away. at least i'd have a reason not to come back to alabama.

i think ive offended enough people in this entry. to make this clear, you and i just wont ever agree. i do hope i'll have some friends left, and that i wasnt too rash. if anything, it does most benefit myself, and i do feel much better. please let us talk face to face now than on a computer.

shan

glowing, glowing, gone.

2004-08-21T05:47:49Z

im on shaky foundations right now.

art was fun til lydia bond called my dad greasy. STABBY STAB STAB

rain... rain... god i love the rain.

oh god, tonight. i had some of the best food ive ever had. me, ali, mike s., daisy, and drew went to cafe baba. holy fucking cow. i ate a piece of daisy's dessert and i nearly died... well rather just squirmed around in my seat. then we ate pizza at the italian pie. oh man oh man. and fred mitchell came, a crazy crazy man, but im always happy to see him.

i should give mike s. some credit. that kid has saved me from myself too many times. and when im upset about a tangle with my friends, he j ust says "ehhh fuck it." and we have fun instead.

my mom's making me paint in the garage now.. yeah... hopefully she'll let me go back to the kitchen. shit. i got paint on bandit too.

yeah, i really should ask that kid out. i really really should.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-19T19:02:00

2004-08-20T00:35:13Z

i'd comment about classes but there's nothing too important. i cant even remember english class, not most of it at least. i think i was asleep, but i woke up and met with my "group", but they were talking about band.. so i went back to sleep? i applied today for ARTS awards (aka money for college). the application cost 35 dollars, but mrs. hughey thinks i'll make it... it's real nice to have someone believe in you.

WHOO WHO'S VICE PRESIDENT OF THE NATIONAL ART HONOR SOCIETY!! YEAH!! ive never been in anything special before, so i feel pretty grand right now. and daisy is president, and she rocks. she's such an interesting person (which is precisely why she's not like you) and we're both art geeks, yah.

carol and i are talking about how weird it would be to sex up our guy friends... yeah, that sounds pretty awkward.

I CANT WAIT TO START PAINTING AGAIN OH MY GOD!!!! JOIN ME IN MY EXCITEMENT... !!!! i need a ritual dance for this one.

CONCERT ON SATURDAY...

<3 shan

wilco is god.

2004-08-17T00:52:35Z

i want that kid right now more than anyone else...

im sorry i have no cute little quote from an aging band director to put here.

2004-08-15T06:01:18Z

hey journal. life is crazy and im glad to be alone. i just ate the top of a crayon.. or rather an imitation crayon (64 ct. for $1 at michael's). that was a bad idea, because i didnt really "eat" the crayon.. it just kind of stuck in the crevices of my teeth.

anyways, i went out tonite with mike s. (always a pleasure ..) and we had a nice chat at my house. he's a strange one, (hah), but much better than the agonizing torture i was lavishly indulging in earlier on in the day. you see, mike g. is back in town for the weekend. i guessed it was too much to hope for that he'd never come back (what was i thinking?). and, to put it simply, i loathe michael galloway. i loathe michael galloway. "hate" in this case is too small of a word, and no one takes me seriously when i say "i hate michael galloway", anyways. they say to themselves (and it somehow comes out of their mouths) "Ha! Ha! You hate Michael Galloway! What a funny joke. Let's invite him to dinner." and then i feel sullen for the next few days. he's much cuter than me anyways, and im sure his jokes are easier to laugh at. (at least i can smile to myself knowing that his ass is much hairier than mine.)

yes, i am a teenage girl full of spiting hateful words that are just DYING to come out of my mouth, especially when it comes to an ex-boyfriend. but rather i'd like to be remembered as one who loved my dog and loved to paint. in fact, ive been compiling a list in my head which needs to be put to use...

spots of paint on my clothes/body mistaken for somethings else:
phillip: "is your forehead bleeding?"
ted: "hah! you have pizza sauce on your hoodie!"
mom: "what is that bruise on your leg from?"
mom: "why is there a hickie on your neck?"

and the greatest honor ive ever received, the "I'm Always Covered in Paint, Even at the Waterpark" Award.

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-12T21:15:00

2004-08-13T02:17:44Z

jeibug: MAA
jeibug: AA
jeibug: AA
jeibug: AAPS
jeibug: WAIT
jeibug: THEY DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU
WallyTheMailBoy: oooohh
WallyTheMailBoy: i thought mma and stuff was an acrynymasldfjad
jeibug: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPS
WallyTheMailBoy: i LOVE that song
WallyTheMailBoy: haven't heard it in a while though
jeibug: MAA is an acronym for robby sucks
WallyTheMailBoy: haha
jeibug: maa is an acronym for i like to mount robby in the bandroom
WallyTheMailBoy: ewww
WallyTheMailBoy: but i will allow it
jeibug: hahahahahah
WallyTheMailBoy: you have to download this song
jeibug: okay
WallyTheMailBoy: it is GOOD... however it is ska
WallyTheMailBoy: it is L.A.X. by Big D and the Kids Table
WallyTheMailBoy: it is more rock/punk than ska though, so you might like it
jeibug: ok
jeibug: that reminds me of child pornography, but okay
WallyTheMailBoy: ...how
jeibug: it just did. dont ask me how
jeibug: i must sleep goodbye sweetie face penis
WallyTheMailBoy: ok
WallyTheMailBoy: Gnight ugly

<3 shan

le__tigre @ 2004-08-12T18:27:00

2004-08-12T23:34:06Z

i figure my poor punching bag needs some good news...

hmm well my day was bound to be good, because of the incoming e-mail with an image attached and a guarantee to make me happy. other than that, ive started on my second art project for the year. english is my 3rd favorite class (the first two being art, and art). if bonnie were not there i might think worse of it, much worse. we crack each other up during class. while mrs. boggs is starting and failing to complete incoherent sentences, bonnie and i are saying "YEaH!" and "GOOD!" and "DUH!". also, the experience of having my ass grabbed in the middle of class is always a pleasure. needless to say ive been very hyper my first four days of school. i think im a freaking kindergardener again or something. i never was much of a child anyways.

<3 shan

for your enjoyment, more critical self analysis.

2004-08-11T00:37:19Z

once again i am a little pissed off and i choose to put in a journal entry. right... that's real smart, shannon.

school started etc etc... classes seem almost too easy but i will find my own way of challenging myself. i want to do so much in art this year. and quitting band seems (seems) to have been the death of me, i realize two days into my senior year that i am, still, "incredibly lonely" as those two words seem to come to mind quite often. this in itself is pushing me away from the friends i have... yes this sounds too much like a teenage angst post and so i must end this.

<3 shan